Grief is grief: Students say university policies fail to support all forms of loss

Original publication: FAMUAN

When a student loses someone close to them, their world doesn’t stop. But many university grievance policies only offer academic accommodations for the death of an “immediate family” member — typically defined as a parent, sibling, spouse or child.

Students say this narrow definition ignores the reality of grief, which isn’t always about bloodlines, but about deep, personal bonds.

“I don’t think grief should be limited to just immediate family,” said Ernest Walker, a student. “Some people are even closer to non-immediate family members than they are to their actual immediate family. So for a school to put a cap on your grief or try to define who you’re allowed to mourn — it just feels wrong.”

Walker said losing a cousin he grew up with would be just as devastating as losing a sibling, yet many schools would not offer him any flexibility under their policies.

“If I were to lose a cousin I grew up with, I’d be in shambles,” he said. “I would need time to process that. And if the school didn’t give me that time, it would definitely be a problem.”

Many universities provide bereavement leave or deadline extensions only in cases where the deceased fits a strict definition of family. But students say those policies leave them feeling unsupported in times of real emotional crisis.

Naji Rutherford, another student, experienced that firsthand.

“My sophomore year, my aunt passed away right after I was leaving class one night,” Rutherford said. “I had a homework assignment due that evening, and I couldn’t bring myself to turn it in. When I tried to explain what happened to my professor, she just wasn’t having it.”

Rutherford said the lack of empathy made him feel like a statistic rather than a person.

“That moment made me feel like I was just another gear in a machine — just a number,” he said. “No one stopped to ask if I was OK. It was just, ‘You had ample time to turn in the assignment.’ But I didn’t know my aunt was going to die that night.”

Experts in higher education and mental health argue that outdated policies need to evolve to reflect the complexity of student relationships and emotional well-being.

For many students, chosen families, close friends, cousins or mentors are just as impactful in their lives as immediate family. When grief strikes, it often doesn’t care about technical definitions — and neither should the institutions meant to support students through life’s hardest moments.

Grief is grief. And students say healing shouldn’t depend on whether their loss fits a university’s paperwork.